Over the last week I have spent a lot of time driving while on my way to and from district basketball tournaments. While on the road I have learned that a person can learn a lot from driving.

Yes, we all know that big rigs own the road and will come over into your lane whether there is room or not. And no matter how much I want to hold my ground, my little SUV is nothing more than a fly on the windshield to the idiot drivers.

And we all know that people talking on cell phones are excellent drivers, but now people actually try to send text messages on their phones while driving. I mean I almost ran off of the road when I was trying to return a text the other night. If I wouldn't have hit that icy patch, I might have ended up in the ditch.

But seriously, did you know they found Jesus in Mexico? Here I didn't even know he was lost, but sure enough, a beat up El Camino told me where he was. It was printed right there on the bumper in yellow and brown.

And did you know that 90 percent of the people on the road have an honor student of some sort. It's true because just about every car on the road has those stupid bumper stickers. I guess showing up for school constitutes being an honor student now. Well, either that or some of the kids are stealing the stickers from honor students and then giving it to their parents.

Myself I never understood the attraction of putting a gaudy looking sticker on my bumper. Once they're on, you can't ever get them off. But then again I also didn't look at them as a learning tool. Think about it. You can learn a lot about a person just from reading their stupid bumper stickers.

For example, one bumper sticker I saw read: "My wife gives me sound advice. Sound 99 percent, advice 1 percent." This is a man who obviously understands women and is happily married. Although he might have been better off if he would have seen the "Before you marry someone, go have lunch with their ex" sticker. Certainly the person with that bumper sticker is a very prepared person and researches all decisions.

A driver can learn about another driver's shortcomings too. One truck I saw had a "I miss my 'ex' but my aim is improving" sticker. I definitely didn't worry about cutting this guy off because even if he got ticked at me and starting shooting, he wouldn't have hit me.

I also learned who will be the next president. For example this one lady had a "Be nice to society: Spay and neuter your Republicans," sticker. Obviously a Hillary Clinton supporter. The gray-haired man with the "Work Harder. Millions on welfare depend on you" sticker, had to be a McCain supporter, right? But the bumper sticker I saw the most was "Monica Lewinsky's x-

boyfriend's wife for President." So my unofficial poll says Hillary Clinton will be our next commander and chief. Time to head to Vegas.

But, the problem with bumper stickers is that sometimes you have to speed up just so you can read them. That is when the "Officer, I'm not speeding. This is an official pace car," sticker might come in handy. No way a cop gives you a ticket with that bumper sticker.

The funniest one I saw was the "All men are Idiots, and I married their King," sticker. Well, it was funny right up until I saw it was on the bumper of my wife's car. Does anyone know the best way to get those stupid stickers off? Oh well, it's good to be the king.