Editor's note: Christmas week should be special for a number of reasons. And it doesn't seem the time for lengthy, thought-provoking editorials on the state of government and man. It should be both reverent and light-hearted. So enjoy the following bit of humor shared by a number of readers.
Besides, I haven't finished my Christmas shopping and running this instead of a local column gives me some much-needed shopping time.
You Know You're from Missouri If:
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone you know has been on a "float trip"
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles.
6. Down south to you means Arkansas.
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.
8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
10. You have a pre-made place prepared to hangout in the basement for Tornado Warnings, equipped with a transistor radio board games and flashlights for every family member.
11. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"
14. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.
20. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Kansas in basketball.
21. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?"
22. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
23. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
24. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, corn, jell-o salad with marshmallows.
25. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
26. You went to skating parties as a kid.
27. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
29. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
30. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
31. You think I-44 is spelled "farty-far." (St. Louis Only)
32. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
33. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
34. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City. And, the Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
35. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
36. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
37. You've ever said, "it's not the heat, it's the humidity."
38. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Construction.
39. You know if another Missourian is from the boot heel, Ozarks, eastern,middle or western Missouri soon as they open their mouth.
40. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
41. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Japan, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield and Mexico were cities in Missouri. (And they are!)
42. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
43. At least one thing in your house came from an "antique" shop.
44. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL' means!!!
45. You actually get these jokes and show them to your friends.