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Sunday, Aug. 28, 2016

Asteroid is heading our way... well maybe

Friday, September 26, 2003

You may have missed this on the news lately - well unless you read the National Inquirer, in which case it was probably front page news. It seems that British space monitors have spotted a GIANT ASTEROID (I've always wanted to use that National Inquirer technique) that is headed to earth. So set your calendars for March 21, 2014 and don't make any special plans for the day. It may be your last!

Actually, as you read further into the news released you'll find that the chances of this catastrophic event are about one in 909,000 which puts it in the range of Al Sharpton being elected president. But you never know.

Were this GIANT ASTEROID to actually touch down on planet earth it would be the equivalent of 20 million atomic bombs and that could really ruin your day.

But to reassure a concerned public, the British watchdogs will continue to monitor asteroid 2003 QQ47 - a quaint name by any definition - until it gets closer to the witching hour. By then, they imagine, the asteroid will have drifted off just enough to miss us by a few million miles or so.

If we're able to predict a specific day a decade or more into the future when this unwanted visitor is to arrive, doesn't it make you wonder why we have figured out some of the other more pressing matters impacting mankind? I mean after all, we're still working on the common cold and yet we can predict with absolute certainty the arrival of a GIANT ASTEROID 11 years down the road?! Vegas bookies will likely soon to be taking bets on the exact location the asteroid will strike earth. But then again, it's a safe bet because no one will be around to collect, if you know what I mean.

I'm worried about having enough sweaters to make it through the upcoming fall and winter so an asteroid - even a GIANT ASTEROID - poses little impact to me.

Actually, the more I think about it the madder I get. If my calculations are correct, that date - give or take a month or so - will be about the time I'm to start collecting on the billions of dollars in Social Security payments I have forked over for a lifetime. So I'm taking this asteroid personally.

Scientists say this asteroid has been around for about 4.5 billion years and is just now making it way in our direction. But believe me, if this chunk of rock impacts my impending Social Security payments, there's going to be hell to pay!

PUBLISHER THREATENS GIANT ASTEROID - I can see the headlines now.

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