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Friday, Aug. 26, 2016

If nature calls don't answer in public

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Just in time for the green beer holiday of St. Patrick's, Kansas City officials are trying to outlaw public peeing. Yes, that's right - it's not illegal to pee in public in Kansas City. Someone oughta write a country song on the topic.

I guess Kansas City public officials didn't realize the peeing problem until recently. It would seem a hard topic to ignore, I would assume. But nonetheless, with St. Patty's Day right around the corner, the city is all abuzz discussing nature's call.

Now don't misunderstand. Peeing on the sidewalk can get you a ticket for indecent exposure but that, the city argues, is tough to prosecute because the city must show some wayward intent on the part of the peeing public. That takes up too much city court time and, in most cases, the culprit is more often than not also guilty of public intoxication. So the perp gets a free pass on his urinary issues.

Now, if all goes according to plan, it will cost you anywhere from $50 to $500 to pee in public in Kansas City. Granted, the city will make exceptions if you have an illness, a disease, infection or some physical infirmity that leaves you little choice. And for good measure it should be noted that drunkenness is not an excuse, regardless of the circumstances or the holiday involved.

And just for an added measure, persistent public peeing can actually get you jail time. So you could find yourself sitting among armed robbers, rapists and murderers in some cold, dark jail cell. I'm sure that would make for some interesting conversation.

It's kinda funny that in today's world of massive problems, we take time to address a more fundamental issue. My oldest daughter once lived in New York City and reports that public peeing is a virtual daily pastime in the Big Apple. But Kansas City is on top of this issue. So beware and be warned. Kansas City has declared war on this public problem and won't rest until the issue has completely dried up.

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