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Wednesday, Apr. 23, 2014

This weather leaves me cold

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

What a lovely weekend we just had. With the snow and bitter cold, it made for a perfect weekend, especially for those I have dubbed "winter lovers."

We all know a few "winter lovers." They are the ones who we hear the entire summer saying things like, "I hate hot weather, I wish it were cold. I can't wait until winter." Well I hope they are happy now.

I guess I understand the allure of the winter season. Winter brings with it cold weather which in turn makes the flowers die, the grass turn brown and makes trees lose all of their leaves. Let's not forget how easy it is to get sick in the cold weather. Myself, I love having a sore throat and a drippy nose while coughing and sneezing all of the time.

I was hoping that Mother Nature would feel sorry for us Midwesterners after the snow storm she dropped on us last winter, but no such luck. Just as we saw spring on the horizon, Mother Nature drops the cold and snow on us just to laugh in our faces.

You see, to say I hate winter is false because there are no words that can actually describe my hatred for cold weather. It really puts me in a foul mood. As I write this it is currently 15 degrees which means I could climb into my refrigerator and would still be warmer than if I walked outside.

Of course in winter when the occasional chance of snow builds up you have to do the one thing I may hate more than any other and that is watch the television news. More specifically, the "trusty" weatherman.

When I watch the weather I want to be told how much it is going to snow and if I am going to have problems driving to work the next morning. Of course they have to give you "Doppler this--" and "barometric pressure--" that. If they want us to think they are smart then actually predict the weather correctly. I don't need to be hammered over the head with technical jargon that they themselves probably can't understand.

Then they say it is 12 degrees with a wind chill of five below. NO, NO, NO. If it feels like minus five degrees outside then tell me it is five below outside. I don't need you giving me false hope that it might actually feel like 12 degrees. That is like your boss saying you are worth 20 dollars an hour and then paying you six dollars an hour. Not the same is it?

Of course, then the snow hits and the real fun begins. After spending 10 minutes bundling up with gloves, heavy coat and snow boots, it is time to shovel off the drive to get your car out of the garage. Maybe there are still some hardworking people who don't mind going out and shoveling snow for an hour so they can get their vehicle onto the road. Of course those are also the same people you will see in the ditches a couple miles down the road. Me, I am weak and lazy and would rather the sun do my job for me. In the case that the sun doesn't perform its duties, then I will take my chances and invariably get stuck backing out of my driveway like I did last year.

Of course, once on the road, you have to drive at the speed of smell. I swear I could get out of my car and walk faster than I drive on the snow, but that would be too damn cold. Instead I will drive slow with Evil Knievel in the gigantic truck tailgating me the entire way.

Of course then I reach my destination where the "winter lovers" are now complaining about the cold and snow with things like "boy, it sure is cold," and "I don't like having to drive in this stuff."

Meanwhile I pass the time by dreaming of heat and humidity and hoping that all of the "winter lovers" will be carried off by mosquitoes this summer.



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