Memorial Day is one of my favorite holidays. The barbecues, swimming and the gathering with family and friends always signifies to me the beginning of summer.
I, apparently, am not the only one who enjoys Memorial Day because every person imaginable was on the roadways this weekend. According to AAA, 37.6 million Americans were expected to travel over the holiday weekend. Of course, of those 37.6 million drivers I had to get behind the one that nearly caused me to have a stroke.
I consider myself a modern guy and I understand that sometimes while driving you need to make a call on your cell phone. But here is a tip: When talking on said cell phone, you don't have to flail your arms like you are having a seizure. Of course, I get behind the driver that looks like they are in a kung fu fight with Bruce Lee.
Now my course of action was just like anyone else. I wanted to pass them, but unfortunately for me the driver was a turtle racer. For those who don't know, a turtle racer is someone who drives 10 to 15 miles under the speed limit in the passing lane. So here I was, flashing my lights at the turtle racer trying to get them to get in the other lane.
Of course, once you get behind a turtle racer you invariably begin tailgating, or piggybacking them. Now I try to avoid this but the vehicle in front of me was giving me no other options.
Now, of course, when I piggyback the car in front of me finally pulls over into the slow lane then proceeds to speed up so I can't pass them. By now my blood pressure is starting boil and I am only halfway to my destination.
Of course, seconds later my blood pressure skyrockets when the driver weaves into my lane, cutting me off, without using their turn signal. Cutting me off is one thing, but not using your turn signal is last straw. I mean, I am a lazy person, but even I have the courtesy to move my indicator a fraction of an inch to let people know that I am changing lanes.
Before the obscenities can even leave my mouth, the driver weaves back in the other lane, getting ahead of one vehicle and gaining only a couple car lengths. Exactly how much faster are you going to go when you move ahead of one car? Is that extra five seconds really that important?
But now I finally see my chance to get ahead of this line of cars, including the cell phone talking, turtle racing, no signal using idiot driver. So I start to pass when I look over and sure enough the idiot driver is a female now putting on makeup while trying to keep her car on the road, clueless to how her driving has nearly caused me a stroke.
For all of us drivers on the road, please get ready before you leave the house. Exactly how good do you think you are going to look when you put you makeup on while driving? And it is not just the women. Guys, if you forget to shave at home just do it in the parking lot before you go inside and not while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway.
Finally, I have now passed the cell phone talking, turtle racing, no signal using, makeup wearing, idiot driver so my blood pressure begins to near normal as I signal and calmly move into the slow lane. I just wish my wife would have told me I left my blinker on the rest of the way.