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Thursday, Aug. 25, 2016

This just doesn't crack me up

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I remember when I was growing up my friends and I used to laugh when someone we knew bent over and revealed just a hint of butt crack. It led to a day full of teasing and harassment and general joy from those of us who noticed the crack.

But times have changed. Now butt cleavage is not just for the plumber anymore, something I realized recently when I went clothes shopping with my wife.

When my wife asked me to go shopping I emphatically told her no, thinking nothing could be worse than spending a Sunday afternoon looking at clothes when football was on television. So after she listened to my argument we got in the car and headed to Cape, because apparently Sikeston doesn't have clothes.

It was when we walked into the store that the awakening began. As I walked past an aisle of clothes I noticed a girl on her knees stocking a shelf just off the ground. However, as we walked closer it wasn't the girl I saw but half of her butt crack hanging out of her jeans.

I tried to look away but it was impossible. I kept staring, thinking she looked like a piggy bank and I was tempted to slide a quarter in.

Even my wife got a good chuckle out of seeing this girl show half her butt to the world, but when I asked "how does she not know her butt is hanging out of her pants," my wife quickly replied, "oh, she knows." That is when I realized the butt crack is the new cleavage.

This wasn't the first instance of a butt crack I have seen in recent months. I have seen them in workplaces, schools and sporting events. Anywhere a girl can be found, you don't have to look to hard to find a butt crack.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against butt cracks. In fact, I have one myself, however the only time I show it is when I am sitting on my mower cutting the grass. If a woman wants to show half of her butt while she is sitting on a bar stool on a Saturday night that is her prerogative. But to show it at work or school is a little distracting.

One would think women would want to conceal their butt cracks but once again the opposite sex confuses me. I grew up being told that women aren't sex objects but now women want to be sex objects. Otherwise why would they dress like Lindsay Lohan?

The trend seemed to have started with a "turn back the clock look" with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears (two quality role models for young women) wearing low rise jeans in an attempt to draw attention to their bodies. Now, low rise jeans are the thing among many young ladies but I am not still not sure where the rise comes in.

It seems that women don't want to just want to show their crack, they want to draw attention to it. Some women are getting tattoos above their protruding rear cleavage. They might as well get a big neon sign that flashes "Please look at my half covered butt!"

Women also wear their low jeans with shirts that are barely long enough to make it to their belly button, which invariably are pierced.

The new butt cleavage fad can be expensive too. According to my wife, those who choose to wear underwear with their low rise jeans must buy a special kind that will be hidden under their jeans. I would think they would be half the price of a normal pair of women's underwear, but no, they are twice as much for half the material.

For the ladies that aren't as bold as others though, there is the underwear option. Some women cover their rear cleavage with decorative underwear that is made to stick out of their pants. Of course, this underwear is not just a flesh tone color or something unnoticeable. No, it has to be hot pink, red or something else extremely loud that screams "look at my butt."

And look at their butt we do. I think the only thing they don't realize is that we are laughing at it, because a woman showing crack doesn't look any better than the man who is showing crack while bent over working on your refrigerator. With this I have only one piece of advice for women. Just say no to crack.

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