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Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2016

Taking a poke at Facebook

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A friend of mine had a bad day Monday. You might think that I talked to my friend in person or over the phone and found out this bit of information, but no, I found out through Facebook.

That's right, I am one of the 24 million active users of the Facebook community and to be quite honest, it is a little depressing. That is because out of those 24 million users, I have a total of six friends.

Before I go any further, let me explain what Facebook is to those of you who actually have a life. Facebook is a Web site that allows you to connect with people you work or go to school with, reconnect with old friends and allows mothers to check up on their daughter's new boyfriend. While doing this you can post an unlimited number of pictures, some of which show as much cleavage as possible, I guess in an attempt to attract more "friends."

Besides its 24 million users, Facebook claims to add more than 100,000 users per day and does 40 billion page views per month. Myself, I tried to resist the urge to join. I am a member of MySpace (another pointless online community) and the last thing I needed was something else to take my attention from my fantasy baseball leagues.

Facebook is a whole world to some people. According one article I read, over 50 percent of Facebook users visit their site every day to check up on friends and contacts, spending an average of 20 minutes tweaking their profiles and telling their friends where they will be and what they will be doing.

But after seconds of thought, I signed up for Facebook. I put a photo on my page, shared some things about myself and then I was a member of the Facebook community. I joined and knew I would have 50 friends before the end of the week. How could I not? There are over 24 million users. Well, that was in September.

After the first week I had two friends and decided that maybe Facebook wasn't for me. So I didn't visit again until last week when a friend sent me an e-mail telling me to look at his Facebook page. Reluctantly I went, hoping I might have a few friend requests, because you have to allow people to become your friends to keep stalkers, psychos and the uncool people away.

Of course, when I checked my page I had zero friend requests. That is pretty depressing when you think about it. Over 24 million people and none of them find me interesting enough to be their friend.

After playing around on the site for a few minutes I was able to find a couple of people I work with or play softball with and my friend total was six. Still very depressing.

When I told some co-workers about this they laughed at me. Apparently they think they are better than me with their hundreds of friends. Then they told me that I needed to be proactive and actually ask people to be my friend. That is a jump I'm not really ready to take.

Asking people to be my friend is a lot of pressure. First, I feel like I'm begging someone to like me. Second, that is a big chance. I mean, what if they say they don't want to be your friend. I mean, do I look like a psycho or am I not cool enough to be their friend?

And what if they become my friend and then later decide to not want to be friends anymore? I mean, did I do something? Is there a friend quota? Did my comment about your stunning breasts offend you? This could really do some damage to guy's ego.

Of course, with only six friends my ego couldn't be damaged any more or so I thought. As I was talking to my co-workers one of them said that she was going to poke me. Typically if somebody pokes me, I'm going to be an upset columnist. Only she was talking about something having to do with Facebook. The bad thing is, I still don't know what in the world she was talking about. So now, I am not only a loser with six friends, I am also old and apparently out of touch.

Well, fortunately I will not give up lightly. Soon I will have a photo showing plenty of cleavage so I can attract more friends and pretty soon I will figure out what it means to "poke" somebody. Or maybe I should just stick to my fantasy baseball and leave the poking to the other 24 million.

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