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Sunday, Oct. 26, 2014

Just Cruise on by this religion

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Never discuss Scientology with the critic. Just discuss his or her crimes, known and unknown.

-- L. Ron Hubbard

It was an exciting week last week. Yes, that's right, Tomkitten was born. Just another reason for an idiot celebrity to keep getting his name in the paper while promoting his movies and "religion."

Now, you have to understand that normally I am very tolerant of different types of religions. What a person believes is their own business and I will respect that. As long as you don't come knocking on my door some Saturday morning asking me if I have "found my savior," we aren't going to have any problems. At least that is the way I felt until Tom Cruise started acting like a moron, spewing out his scientology mumbo jumbo.

Now I will be honest. I didn't know scientology from biology when the idiot actor started running his mouth. But the more Cruise started sounding like a character in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," the more I wanted to know what this "religion" was about.

That is when I discovered it was founded by a writer named L. Ron Hubbard. Now I understand all religions have "leaps of faith," from walking on water to having an angel visit you in a form of a golden salamander. But scientology takes this to a whole new level.

According to Hubbard, 70 million years ago Earth, then known as Teegeeack (I think his typewriter got stuck while he was coming up with that name) and other planets were overpopulated with hundreds of billions of people. The evil overlord Xenu (wasn't that a movie with Olivia Newton-John?) decreed that the excess population was to be sent to Teegeeack, put next to volcanoes and blown to pieces. The spirits or thetans of the victims were implanted with religious and technical images for 36 days and then were sent to either Hawaii or Los Palmas to be stuck together in clusters. Today humans are a collection or cluster of body thetans.

Of course one has to keep in mind, Hubbard is also the same man who is quoted as saying, "If you want to make a little money, write a book. If you want to make a lot of money, create a religion." And when your religion starts to be forgotten, get some pretty-boy who pretends he can act to spew your crap all over the airwaves.

For the last year, the no-talent actor has been jumping up and down on couches proclaiming his love for another no-talent thespian, Katie Holmes. Then he impregnated Miss Holmes with his evil spawn and wanted the mother of his child to give birth in silence.

Now I haven't given birth to a child but I have seen babies delivered on the Discovery channel and it looks excruciatingly painful. The only way I could imagine any woman giving birth in silence was if they were unconscious and even then I would be screaming bloody murder.

But Cruise didn't stop at the silent birth thing. He told GQ magazine that when the baby was born "I'm going to eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Ewwwwww! I have eaten some strange things but yuck! Did he have some salt and pepper and a plate waiting for him in the delivery room? And what type of wine do you drink with placenta? I would guess white, but what do I know?

I don't know if Cruise actually ate the placenta or not (he told ABC after the GQ article that he was just kidding) but just to say it is creepy. Of course everything Cruise has done in the last year or so to me has been creepy, but every time he opens his mouth he promotes scientology. Then dopes like me look it up to see what it is and invariably the "religion" will pick up more members and of course, more money.

So other religions need to take notice. Instead of going on mission trips and trying to spread the word of God the old fashioned way, just get a good looking, no-talent celebrity to act like a fool while promoting your religion. Just make sure they don't eat the placenta.



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