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Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2016

Film review: Boot the audience

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My wife and I used to enjoy going to the movies and we would see anything. But the last few years our movie trips kept getting worse and worse, so it is a rare movie that we will now head to the theater to see.

Enter "The Departed." Directed by Martin Scorsese and starring Jack Nicholson and Matt Damon I wasn't going to miss it. So I eagerly looked online to see what time it started at the theater. Here is the kicker.

My wife and I have decided that we will now only go to one area theater and stay away from the rest. It isn't that we don't like the sticky floors, poor screens and uncomfortable seats where your knees are in your chest. In fact, we hate them. But we have found one theater that we both enjoy.

Unfortunately for us, "The Departed," wasn't showing at that theater. So I had a choice to make and, even though the movie starred Leonardo DiCaprio, I chose to go anyway.

My wife and I went to the matinee so all I had to do was sell her car in order to pay for the tickets. It's a shame we have to pay a fortune for tickets just to help pay the outrageous salaries of bad actors like DiCaprio or Matthew McConaughey, for example.

Of course, anytime I go to the movies, the wife has to get popcorn. So we get a popcorn and two sodas from the concession stand. There goes our Christmas money. As we walked to the auditorium I realized that we could have drunk two sodas and had a bag of popcorn before the movie and saved about $20. I am an idiot.

I thought the day was going to be a good one when we went into the auditorium and discovered we were the first ones there. We had our pick of seats so I directly went to the middle of the theater and plopped down. That was a mistake.

You see, I have figured out that I am a magnet. So the next two people who walk in the theater sit right in front of us. There is an entire theater of open seats and they choose the ones in front of us. To top it off, the man was so tall, he had to play basketball for the Lakers.

Then two ladies came in and they had to sit directly behind us. And these weren't two ordinary ladies either. These two were apparently on a ladies' day out and even though they were in their early 100s they had to talk through the entire movie.

Keep in mind this wasn't normal conversation. Evidently one them was having trouble following the plot and kept asking the other what was going on. That, coupled with their annoying giggling every time DiCaprio was on screen, made me want strangle both of them.

Of course, the lady's constant retelling of the story was good because I couldn't see a thing over Shaquille O'Neal's head anyway.

To top it off, there was Mr. Big Shot whose cell phone rang during the middle of the movie. Instead of being courteous and leaving the theater, this nice fellow decided to talk to his buddy. That was until my wife shot him her "death glare." Trust me, he ended the call quickly.

Now I know many of you are asking why we didn't just move seats. Well, we were there first. The other people should have moved. And then there was the obvious reason. Our feet were stuck to the floor.

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