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Sunday, Apr. 20, 2014

I've lost my tough guy image

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I used to think I was pretty tough. I once cut my toe to the bone and was playing softball on it a few days later. I've never called in sick to work and I can usually take any kind of pain.

Of course, I realized last week that I am not tough at all. As a matter of fact, I might be the biggest sissy on the planet. Let me explain.

It all started with getting some insurance. For some reason insurance companies don't just let you take out insurance without knowing a little bit about you first. I was hoping it would be like, "My name is David, give me life insurance," but that didn't work. So I had to go through their little physical exam.

It started out pretty easy. Basically I just had to answer "no" for the first 10 minutes since I haven't been to a doctor for a number of years. See, I thought I was tough.

Then it came time to draw blood for the HIV test. Now, even being tough has some limits, mine being I don't like needles. I didn't say I was scared of them, I just don't like getting poked with them.

Keep in mind, I can't remember ever having blood drawn from me for any reason, so I don't know what it is going to be like. So I ask around. Some say it doesn't hurt at all while others, the ones I chose to listen to, said it was going to hurt a lot.

So there I was about to have my blood drained from my body and I have to admit, I was a little nervous. I saw the needle go in and, well, it didn't hurt a bit. You see, I am tough. Nothing fazes me.

Well, except for blood. I'm not real big on seeing blood, especially my own. So out goes the first vial and then out goes the second vial and I decide to look at it. Well, being the tough guy I am I look and it doesn't bother me one little bit.

At this point I think I am the king. Nothing can stop me and I mention to the nurse how it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. Oh yeah, I was the man.

Have I mentioned I thought I was tough, because here is where it gets interesting. As I was talking about how it wasn't as bad as I thought, a feeling of nauseousness overcame me. When I told the nurse I wasn't feeling too well she just smiled calmly and told me to put my head on the table.

While the nurse called for people to come and help I began to think to myself, "just toughen up Sissyboy, this will pass." Unfortunately I was beginning to feel lightheaded so my body mistook the message as "loosen up, you're a sissy, just pass out."

I'm not sure if I actually passed out, but I don't remember much of what happened next. I remember wondering how much blood this nurse actually sucked out of me, three pints? Then I remember being asked if I wanted to try and take a walk. I couldn't walk. I couldn't even lift my head off the table, and believe me, by this point all the ego that had my head so swollen was gone.

The next thing I remember is holding a cold pack on my neck, wondering how I even got it. I raised my now light head off the table and promptly told everyone I was fine, thinking they wouldn't notice what had just happened. Yeah, they didn't buy it.

To make matters worse I felt like I was run over by a truck for the next couple of hours. All from having a little blood test. So much for being tough. The next thing you know I'll find out that I'm really not sarcastic.



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