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'Idol' times for U.S. politics

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Tonight is the night. All across the country people will be tuned into their television awaiting the results. Of course, not the results of some election that might change the country. Nope. People will be tuning in tonight to see whether Katharine or Taylor is the next winner of "American Idol."

I have yet to be brainwashed by the show that has caught the country by storm. As a matter of fact, I have never watched one minute of one episode, ever. But the fact of the matter is that I don't have to.

Every day from when the first episode airs in January until the last episode airs in May I hear "Idol" talk. I hear about Simon's snide remarks. I hear about Paula's breaking into tears and, of course, I hear about how Chris was robbed. I hear about who had the best performances each week as well as who had the worst. As a matter of fact, I took part in an office pool of which I finished in the middle-of-the-pack. Keep in mind I never watched one minute of one episode.

It amazes me the number of people who tune in to watch a bunch of singers, short on talent, try to become the next big thing. I know all of you "Idol Lovers" are screaming, "They do too have talent," but I have to disagree.

I've heard past winners sing long after their "Idol" days and I'm not impressed. As a matter-of-fact, where are the past winners now? I would venture to say none of them are as big now as they were when they were on "Idol."

But the fact of the matter is I cannot deny the popularity of "Idol." I mean over 30 million households watch it each time it is on television, which is why I have an idea. How about holding our presidential elections the "Idol" way?

We could start by going across the country trying to pick who might make the best president and then narrow that number down to 12. Then each week pick a topic the potential presidents would give their opinions on, everything from war, to abortion, to what they consider sexual relations.

Of course the most important part of this show would be the judges. It would be tough to find a no talent, drama queen that doesn't have a clue like Paula Abdul, but I have an idea: Bill Clinton.

For the conservative viewpoint, why not have Rush Limbaugh? He is probably louder and more opinionated than Randy Jackson but seeing him spar with Clinton would be a treat.

Of course, somebody with no affiliations to a political party would have to fill the role of the tell-it-like-it-is, smart aleck Simon Cowell. For that role I nominate, well -- myself. True, I tend to lean a little to the Republican party but if there was a woman who dressed like Katharine I might be tempted to lean the other way.

Of course, this whole show would have problems, I know. First, we would have to eliminate the whole one vote per person thing our Founding Fathers came up with. I don't know about you, but I'm sure that changing the Constitution wouldn't be a problem.

Then you would have the Democrats throwing a fit, demanding a recount and blaming the voting system when their favorite candidate didn't win. I mean didn't they just do that a couple weeks ago when "America's pick" Chris was voted off?

No matter how it was done it probably still couldn't hold a candle to "American Idol," and that just shows how out-of-whack our priorities are. But who am I to argue with 30 million households?

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