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Tuesday, Oct. 21, 2014

I'll bring change to campaign

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

(Photo)
Well, the Democratic and Republican National Conventions are both history so I guess the 2008 presidential election is officially in full swing. As someone who admittedly loves politics you would think I would be excited but I am finding myself extremely apathetic this year.

Usually, I read and watch everything involving the presidential election from August to November. On election night, I will stay up from the moment I vote, through the night, until one candidate is declared the winner. Granted, I did sleep the year of the "Hanging Chad" but my wife said I might be a little cranky if I stayed up for two months straight.

This year though I hardly watched the conventions. If I see anything on the presidential election I can't change the channel quick enough. Maybe it is because both candidates are awful or maybe it is just because as I age I realize that it doesn't matter who the president is.

Really, I haven't cared for this president much and I sure didn't like the one before him either. As a matter of fact, since I have been old enough to vote, I haven't liked one president we've had. They never do what they say they are going to do and it's usually one debacle after another while they are in office.

If you think about it, a presidential election is a lot like being in high school. On one side you have your Greasers (Democrats) and on the other you have your Preppies (Republicans) both fighting for control of the school. In the middle you have those who are trying to fit in with one group or the other, willing to sacrifice this belief or that belief to fit in. Now I remember why I hated high school.

While unfortunately we can't fix this election, I have some ideas to help make the presidential process a little more tolerable in years to come.

First, we need to change the electable age of the president so it is higher than 35. Seriously, I am 34 and I was playing video games last night. I have friends a little older than I am who don't know the difference between flatulent and fornicate (long story) and who probably don't even know who the current president is. As a matter of fact, there should be a law on the books that nobody from my generation can be elected president, well, unless they want to elect me.

One thing that has really been bugging me this presidential election is the presidential advertisements. I have yet to see an ad that explains what the candidate will do if elected. I've only seen ads about this guy has done this and that guy has done that.

I guess I have been taking the wrong approach at job interviews for years. Here I have always told my prospective employers what I can do and what I could bring to their company. Instead I should have been saying "don't hire Johnny because he takes a lot of smoke breaks and Sally stole a stapler at her last job."

If I had my way, a candidate's ad could not make one mention or insinuation of his opponent or the other party. The ad could only convey the candidate's beliefs and what he or she intends to do if they are elected. Trust me, if that was the case this year, I don't believe you would have the same candidates. I doubt the "I am for change" campaign argument would hold up under those parameters if it isn't followed by how they plan to make the change.

Another way to improve the election would be to eliminate the discussion of the election on talk news. Oh I know there is that little thing about free speech and the Constitution but people like Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann need to shut up! I am so sick of hearing them spout off I want to take the television and throw it through the window. Fortunately, my wife has made it clear that if I break it, I buy it so the television stays put.

Instead of talk news, the candidates should get to be on prime time television in a reality show. Maybe they could be stuck in a house together for a couple months like "Big Brother" to see what they are really like. Or maybe put them on a deserted island and have them survive like on "Survivor," or have them go through a series of tough challenges like "The Amazing Race."

Unfortunately for us this year's presidential election is more like the idiotic new television show "Hole in the Wall" than the "Amazing Race." But at least there is a bright side. In a few years you can vote one of my generation into the White House. And if it is me, you can bet there will be video game nights once a week and plenty of fornication I mean flatulence.



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