With graduation just around the corner, I have tried to think of something unique for this year's eager-eyed graduates. And, at long last, I have finally arrived at the ideal gift to give the millions of young and not-so-young grads who are about to begin a critical phase of their lives.
Thus, on behalf of the "adults" in this world, we give you debt!
Yep, that's about it. Debt. Spiraling, out-of-control, no-end-in-sight debt. The kind of debt that you'll still be facing when your kids graduate. The kind of debt that threatens your future, your ability to prosper and your ability to achieve the greatness that has been promised to past generations.
Don't misunderstand. This gift we give you has been given to other grads in the past. But by golly, we've outdone ourselves this time and we're giving you a whopper of a graduation gift.
This gift of debt has been quite a while in the making. Granted, we have decided to ramp up the value of this special gift in the past couple of years. But you have several people to thank for this gift.
The debt we give you is the type that keeps on giving, so to speak. And if events go as expected in the next few years, your gift will grow and grow and grow.
Then, when you enter the workforce and begin planning your "adult" future, you'll truly start to understand the impact this gift will provide.
Let's give credit where credit is due. Our elected officials are primarily responsible for selecting this special graduation gift. To be sure, we the people gave them the blank check to "buy" this gift. In hindsight, perhaps we should have been a tad bit more selective when we elected these folk to be our personal shoppers.
But that's water under the bridge and the gift has already been purchased.
When elected officials work tirelessly to please the people instead of serving the people, well, sometimes you go a little overboard with your purchases. And we went overboard and then some.
So instead of some cold cash in that graduation envelope, you'll get an IOU. How's that for being special!
Along with this debt, we'll also give you words of advice. You know like work hard, play fair, help others, etc. You've probably heard those words of advice before. But along with these words of wisdom, we also put this massive barrier in front of your future. We're not really sure how you can handle this challenge. But it's too late to worry now. The gift has been neatly wrapped and is ready for your use.
Just one final note of advice. When the day comes for you to select a graduation gift for your kids, you might try something other than a massive debt for that special grad. And don't go crazy and try to outdo this generation.
Gifts should have special meaning. It's just that some gifts are more special than others.