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A few predictions for the upcoming year

Saturday, December 29, 2012

With 2012's clock ticking rapidly toward midnight, it's either time for New Year's predictions or resolutions.

I do poorly on both!

There's actually a study out - aren't you sick of studies? - that says almost half of us make New Year's resolutions but just 8 percent actually achieve their goal.

My resolutions through the years have often lasted days at best.

And in the area of New Year's predictions, I'm the same guy who predicted Barack Obama would be soundly defeated by Newt Gingrich in the 2012 elections.

So much for predictions!

I'm often amused when some enterprising journalist takes the time to revisit expert predictions for the past year. More often than not, they're wrong.

In other words, the "experts" don't know any more than Joe Blow.

But predictions this year might be different.

It's easy to predict tough economic times ahead for 2013.

That's actually less a prediction than a sure thing.

And given the political/religious issues in Syria, Iran, Egypt, Israel, et. al., it's equally easy to predict more chaos, more bloodshed and more concern for that powder keg.

What we need is a positive prediction that proves accurate. We need someone to predict a breakthrough on an issue that will substantially benefit mankind.

But wishin' doesn't make it so!

OK, here are some guaranteed, take-it-to-the-bank predictions for 2013:

Lindsay Lohan will run afoul of the law.

The Rolling Stones will launch an all-Wheelchair Tour of nursing homes in the U.S.

The St. Louis Cardinals will break our hearts somehow.

Al Gore will abandon his faltering television network and launch a new faltering television network dedicated to climate change indoctrination.

Barack Obama will play golf.

Elvis Presley will be sighted working at a Burger King in Atlanta. "Here's your fries and thank you very much."

The Mayans will discover a flaw in their calendar prediction and revise the end of the world to Dec. 21, 2013 - sponsored by the Mayan Tourism Council.

And the final, sure-fire prediction for the New Year - Barack Obama will play more golf!

Michael Jensen
Michael Jensen